Walking with the Wind

Photo from John Lewis's Walking with the Wind

A friend of mine recently commented on my Games People Play post with a series of questions, and since the questions were so profound, I decided to dedicate a whole new post to the responses, many of which are influenced by John Lewis's memoir, Walking with the Wind.

1. Do you think that greed, the need for power, authority, and selfishness are similar flaws in mankind? And who would argue that these things are often "deleterious" to society? But on the real - would you say there's any viable solution, this side of changing the DNA of humans? Or would you say calling 'greed, violence, power-hungriness' being a flaw of human nature a cop out? Should people somehow rise above these natural instincts?
The American civil rights movement is one of the most important events in our history, and I doubt that most Americans would argue against that assertion. One of the things that struck me the most as I've been reading Lewis's memoir is that when they first started organizing sit-ins to integrate counters in the South, they didn't have any one "leader." Rather, the leadership was shared because the movement was about "group effectiveness and responsibility, not individual power." I for one believe that the civil rights movement, although the ultimate goal in its entirety is yet to be realized, was a great success, so there had to be some kind of validity in its model of leadership in its nascent stages. These were simply people who were coming together because they shared a passion in creating an equal, integrated America. The fact that they put their focus on "shared leadership" rather than on direction from one individual ensured that the goal remained a collective one. Notice that many of their victories are marked by groups of people rather than individuals: The Little Rock Nine, the Freedom Riders, The Big Six.

One the other hand, some of the greatest oppression in history have been marked by the rise of one person to power: Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Saddam Hussain, Fidel Castro.

I know that I've heard "sometimes you have to be selfish in order to succeed" more than once in my lifetime. I don't want to say that selfishness and the desire for power are always harmful, but I think it's always best to find the optimal solution for every problem, and more often than not, I think that the "shared responsibility" model is the way to go because it ensures that the desire to accomplish a collective goal overrides the innate human desire to be "the top dog."


2. But on the other hand, is a world where everyone is compassionate and unselfish even a world? Has that ever existed? If it'd be beneficial to all, why has it not existed? Maybe this is the best world... to have selfishness, and selflessness. Can you really have one without the other?
Keeping this one simple. A compassionate, unselfish world, I think, is an ideal world. Imagine what the world would be like if we were simply nicer to one another. No wars, no violence, no hunger. And it hasn't existed because there are enough people out there who think only of themselves.

3. Won't there always be haves and have-nots? And as the 'haves' are glorified by society - won't people be manipulative in their path to climb their figurative ladders, and to maintain their positions?
I'm pretty sure that there will always be haves and have-nots, again, because there will always be enough people to think only of themselves and they'll pass their philosophy on to their offspring. So, until that chain is broken (and I'm not convinced that it ever will be), we'll always have haves and have nots. Aside from that, who's to say that what society "glorifies" is always optimal? Just look at our American society. We've glorified Paris Hilton, size zero and sex tapes. And when has manipulation been a good thing? Just because it's popular, doesn't mean that it's going to make for a better environment...and isn't that what we're striving to create? "A more perfect union?"

All of this takes self-reflection and constant reassessment. But in order to be the best we possibly can be, then I think we should always be willing to work towards collective goals, not self-reward.

And by the way, I studied Political Science during my undergraduate years at the University of Georgia.

Games People Play

"The worst part of my day is dealing with grown people. I don't particularly like adults. They aren't always very nice. If you work with children you know that there is no more powerful love than the love you feel from a child."-Dr. Steve Perry, founder and principal of Capital Prep

Steve Perry is one of my professional heroes. As founder and principal of Capital Prep (where 100% of the students not only graduate but also go on to four year universities), he has proven that when you demand excellence, young people rise to the challenge. So, I take a lot of what he says seriously. The quote above caught my attention because it directly reflects experiences I have at work with both children and my personal experiences with some adults.

It seems like the older we get, the more interested we become in just reaching the goal and forgetting the joys that come with the process. I recently had two scenarios, one involving adults and one involving second graders. Needless to say, I enjoyed the experience with the little ones a lot more, primarily because they're so much more genuine than most adults. We all play games. Children play them because they want to have fun. Adults play them because they want to manipulate power.

What happens to us as we age that makes us so power hungry and eager to compete even with people who are supposed to be on our team? What is this strong desire to be the alpha male or the alpha female in our adult lives that makes it okay to put down other people in the process? It really breaks my heart when people break from a team for their own selfish ambitions.

Redemption comes only when I see one of the kids I work with help a friend or classmate or when I see them share without me even having to ask them to do so. Times like that, it seems like they're the ones who should be in charge, not the adults.

When and why do we become so selfish? And what do we do to stop it? It all just reinforces something that I've heard often: If you want to learn some of the best lessons, spend more time with people under the age of five.

Day 30

As a Catholic girl, I have observed the season of Lent every year for as long as I can remember. I remember going to a Catholic school, and on Ash Wednesdays, my classmates and I would always want to go to the priest that would apply the least amount of ashes to our foreheads. I remember always giving something up for Lent, usually chocolate or some other sweet that I knew I could do without because I would replace it with something else equally as tasty. I remember going to Mass on Holy Thursday and Good Friday with all of the stand up/sit down rituals. And I remember goign to Easter Sunday Mass in a pretty new dress, but even more than that, I remember the Easter picnics that followed said religious services.

I never really spent much time as a child reflecting on what Lent really meant, but as an adult, I would always make the decision to make the time useful and to grow spiritually for the 40 designated days of Lent. Although Lent is typically known as a spiritual journey, I think that what I've learned this year can serve as a lesson for anyone:

1.) You gain a lot when you deny yourself.-Like I said, for as long as I could remember, I have given something up for Lent. This year, I gave up junk food-goodbye chips, cookies, candy, ice cream, etc. I can't believe how many times I've been tempted. I'll admit that I was pretty pumped up about getting rid of artificial foods during the first few days. I was eating a lot healthier. Instead of grabbing a bag of chips or a cookie, I was literally eating out of a bag of spinach, making homemade dressing and all that jazz. It was great! I was so on a roll that I even decided that I was going to start exercising for the sake of my health, too. This went on for a good two weeks before I started to get grumpy. Man, I wanted that Oreo, and I would have paid big money for just ONE kettle chip without any guilt. But every time one of those treats was just inches from my lips, I told myself: Wait. You gave this up for Lent! Then I would ask Why did I give this up for Lent? I'd answer myself: Because Jesus died for my sins. And instead of eating that cookie or that potato chip, I'd get a banana and feel pretty good about myself. And I came to the realization that every time I put something bad into my body, it was less space for something good. It's the same way for my spiritual health. All the bad juju that I accept takes up so much space that I don't have any room for anything good. So, rather than just giving something up, I realize that this time is also a period to allow ourselves to replace all that negativity with positivity.

2.) Forgiveness is powerful-One of my biggest downfalls is that I hold grudges. I don't forgive people easily, and if I do forgive them, I don't forget. And sometimes it's not just forgiving people after they've done some thing wrong that makes for a better person, it's learning to accept them as they are without becoming bitter. Civil rights leader, John Lewis, said that when he was learning the ropes of civil disobedience, he was told that if he and his fellow protesters pictured the people who were tormenting and beating them as innocent babies, then they would truly be living the movement and "loving the hell out of them." Imagine that. Everyone, at one point, is completely innocent, and if we can see them in that form, then it becomes easier to forgive. In a recent homily, my parish priest said, "He who seeks revenge should dig two graves: one for his enemy and one for himself." I believe that the art of forgiveness will be one of the greatest struggles of my life, but I will not let the desire to get revenge on people who have wronged me be the death of me.

3.) When juxtaposed with problems of others, your own petty issues are just that--petty.-So what if I wanted a bag of chips or an Oreo cookie! Someone somewhere would give anything to have one of those healthy pieces of fruit that I ate instead. So what if I'm hungry from fasting. Truth be told, I'll get to eat as much as I want within 24 hours. So what if my computer has a burned out motherboard and it takes me 2 months to get it repaired. I'll get it back eventually, and I can always use my work computer if I need to. Someone somewhere won't get that privilige...Ever.

More than anything, I feel like this Lenten season has taught me how to appreciate what I have and how to fill myself with things and people that are more worthwhile to my physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual health. And the best part is that there's ten more days to go.

When I Die...

"And when he dies, take him and cut him out in little stars and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all will fall in love with the night and pay no attention to the garish sun."

Okay, so it's been a while since I first read Romeo and Juliet in the 8th grade, and I may not have remembered the lines in the perfect iambic pentameter, but these lines came to my mind yesterday as I was thinking about death. A morose topic, I know, but it came to me as I was thinking of Lent and that "ashes to ashes" business we went through on Ash Wednesday. I know I'm going to die one day, and the more I think about it, the more comfortable I feel about it. It doesn't mean that I'm looking forward to it, but I've accepted the fact that I'm not going to live forever.

I read a magazine article about a woman whose husband died of liver disease about 3 years into their marriage, and what she said echoed the same thing one of my friends said after she lost her grandfather:

Tell someone "I love you."

I don't know where I"ll be when I take my last breath, but I do know that when it happens, I want to know just two things:

1.) That my time on earth wasn't wasted
2.) That the loved ones that I've left behind won't be afraid to tell someone "I love you" in my memory.

So while I was thinking of those lines from Romeo and Juliet, I hope my passing doesn't transpire so tragically. And when it's my time, I want people to think of these lyrics:



Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there, smiling back at me. Dancing in moonlight, I know you are free 'cause I can feel your star shining down on me.

A Trip Around the World

I've joked before that if my fiancee ever asks me for a dowry prior to marriage, I would offer him my most valuable asset: my personal library. If he didn't think that was good enough, the wedding would be off. Point being that I can't spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't understand the value of a good book.

I've been an avid reader for as long as I can remember. I used to spend all of my money on books as a kid-a habit I haven't abandoned as an adult. From Baby-Sitters Club to 19th century European literature; autobiographies to contemporary tales about fearless heroes and heroines. Books allow you to travel without moving an inch. Here are a few of my favorite stops in my never ending journey:

Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela: At 800-something pages, my sister-in-law once referred to it as "Long Walk to the End of the Book." I appreciated her joke, but I can't say I've found many autobiographies that are as impressive and inspiring as Nelson Mandela's. His words were authentic and his story of how a "Rohilala" (troublemaker) turned into South Africa's best weapon against Apartheid is humbling and dignified. As the first memoir I've been influenced by, it is now the measuring stick for all other autobiographical accounts that I read.

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke: When I was in college, I took a class on Comparative Poetry which focused chiefly on European writers. In this class, I encountered the work of Rilke. His poetry was so beautiful that it made me want to learn German just so I couud read it in its original form. Letters to a Young Poet's artistry urges a reader to live with a clearer perspective. It's a lot like inviting someone into your life and letting him put a pair of glasses on you so that you can see your life more clearly and more sharply.

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Just as Paris is widely regarded as the "City for Lovers," Love in the Time of Cholera is the part of my journey that made me believe that it's possible to believe in that "can't live without you" feeling. There's nothing quite like a classic love story, and who can resist Marquez's story about a destined elderly couple re-finding each other, falling in love and pledging to be together forever?

Night by Elie Wiesel-Sometimes we end up in unpleasant places that we wish we had never set foot into, but we know our lives will never be the same if we had never entered them. In my literary journey, Night is that place. Elie Wiesel recounts unimaginable horrors that serve as a lesson that the reader should always remember no matter how much he wants to forget it. This story is one that must be told and must be heard because if it had remained unwritten, millions of innocent victims would be silenced forever.

Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien-Have you ever had legions of experienced travelers tell you that there's one place that you just HAVE TO go to or you can't call yourself a true traveler? You may end up liking the place, you might not. But you're grateful for the experience because you can say you've been there and you understand all the references that everyone makes to that place at cocktail parties. The Lord of the Rings trilogy is the written equivalent of that place. Countless references to this epic exists in pop culture...even our Friends Ross and Chandler refer to Gandalf. And besides, don't you want to understand what people mean when they say the Eye of Sauron is watching you?

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz-All those LOTR references bring me to Junot Diaz's Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, whose title character aspires to be "The Dominican Tolkien." This is just one of those books you have to spend some quality time with to understand. Even the footnotes are intriguing. Never before have I met a character that I loved and hated more than Oscar Wao. The guy is such a loser that you don't think you'll ever become fond of him, but somehow you do. You root for the guy who tries to speak in Elvish and you realize that he appeals to the Oscar Wao in you, forming a kind of kinship that exists only between the kids who play Dungeons and Dragons.

Interpreter of Maladies-Speaking of compelling characters, not many authors create them as well as Jhumpa Lahiri in Interpreter of Maladies. Meeting the people in her short stories is like the summer fling in Costa Rica or that extra helpful tour guide in Milan. You know you'll eventually have to say goodbye, but they still exist in the back of your mind. And when you get back home and unpack your bags from these long vacations, you wonder if they'll be okay. I read this book about two years ago, and I'm still wondering if Twinkle is finding stuff in her basement. Yeah, Lahiri makes you care that much.

No Man is an Island by Thomas Merton-So, you know how everyone gets to a point in their lives where they decide they need to "find themselves" and they end up traveling to some spiritual place like Nepal or they decide to visit the Sphinx in Egypt (I'm looking at you, Alicia Keys!)? If that place could be captured in 2oo-something pages and bound in between two covers, it would be called No Man is an Island. This book is a spiritual journey, where you find truth, where you doubt everything you've done for the last decade. It's essentially where you go when you need some guidance and need to get away from the monotony of everyday life and you returned refreshed...but you always make it a point to revisit.

So, I've heard before that a book is great because it allows you to travel without moving an inch. I'm always ready to grab my passport and take off on yet another adventure.

What's your favorite spot on your literary journey?

What are YOU Looking For?

It's been a while since I've blogged on here. I didn't feel the need to broadcast to the world the details of my Christmas season, and I didn't even post the obligatory beginning of the year account on how I'm going to be a better person in 2010.

Rather, my first blog of the New Year comes after the Super Bowl and one week before Valentines Day. If you watched the biggest pro-football game of the year, between the Saints-Colts showdown and shoveling empty calories into your mouth, you saw the following Google ad:




And as thousands of women let out a collective "awww" when the final search was entered, I had to admit-although I don't claim to be the candy and roses type on February 14-that Google was pretty smart to release this commercial one week prior to the holiday that ensures that Hallmark will never need a government bailout.

I don't think that any other company could have pulled off this ad. I can't imagine a compelling Budweiser commercial featuring a man using a six-pack to convince his peers to point the way to the perfect study abroad program, and I couldn't picture an orange-fingered Dorito consumer picking up his special lady at the airport.

But Google was clever, and it even had me thinking I could find anything-including the perfect man who can assemble a crib-via its easy-to-use search engine. In fact, I got onto Google not long after the big game so I could find that adorable Google commercial, and of course I found it easily.

I guess I'll end this inaugural blog on a happy note. To all of you who will be spending Valentines Day with that special someone, I'm happy for you. To everyone else, I hope you find what you're searching for.

If My Life Had a Soundtrack

I love the show Glee. I've only watched a few episodes, but I'm hooked and eagerly anticipating a new season of this deliciously addictive sitcom.


Whenever a great musical comes out, I find myself wishing that it were more socially acceptable to burst into song in the middle of the street...or in my case, the office...or the grocery store. More than once, I've wanted to just start spinning around at the park near my house and sing "The hillllllllllllls are alive with the sound of music!" I've also looked at my bills and the first few chords of "Rent" have begun to play in my mind. I've also thought "Beauty School Drop Out" upon seeing a woman clad in animal print leggings and overprocessed big hair. And I've imagined finding the perfect guy and recited "Love is a many splendoured thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you needs is love" in my head.

Life is a whole lot better when it's set to music, so here it is...my life set to a soundtrack:

The first time I heard Everything by Michael Buble, I decided that if my life were ever turned into a movie or a television series that it would be played during the opening credits. I can just imagine myself twirling around on the streets of some fictional city dotted with fruit stands and flower carts. I've got shopping bags in my hands and a sweet little trench coat on. I am, indeed, Everything. And as I'm getting ready for work, the song She Is by The Fray is blaring from my radio so that I'll feel confident and fresh for whatever the day has for me. I walk to the office wearing 3-inch heels to the tune of One Step at a Time Jordin Sparks.

On the weekends, I'll Be Lovin' You Long Time by Mariah Carey will be playing as I go shopping, watch college football, go out, and have girl talk with my besties and of course, I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight by Cutting Crew will be playing in the background as I spot the man of my dreams from across the room. (Seriously, could it have been anything else? Don't you remember the origin of this blog?)

And as Mr. Right and I skip through what I can only imagine will be an open meadow complete with daisies and butterflies, Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now by Joss Stone feat. Common will accompany our first kiss. For some time, we'll be that couple that everyone envies; that couple that everyone wants to be; that couple that makes everyone want to barf in their mouths just a little bit. But it won't last long because he'll cheat on me...not because he doesn't love me but because he's a little bit afraid of relationships and commitment. As he's trying to sort out his feelings, Nickelback's Far Away and Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You plays over and over again in his dark and twisty mind while he tries to be bright and shiny to his man friends who try to convince him to get over me.

Meanwhile, I'm pissed. While he's listening to songs like Please Forgive Me by Bryan Adams and believe it or not, Taylor Swift's Teardrops on My Guitar, I'm listening to The M People's Moving on Up and Fiona Apple's Criminal not because I've done something wrong but because if I act on the anger building up inside me, I really will need a good defense. Then I switch it up to songs like Eminem's Lose Yourself and Eye of the Tiger while I shadowbox and run (a lot of running at this point) because frankly all I can think of is punching "Mr. She was there so was I and things just got carried away" square in the nose and working out is all that restrains me from actually doing so.

Switch back to Mr. Trying to Improve Himself who has decided that he'll do anything to get me back. After all, he's just heard Sofia Barbosa's Kissing You which he made fun of me for loving the first time we watched Romeo + Juliet together. That line about "watching stars without you, my soul cries" was clearly just too much, so he enlists the help of my best friend who turns out to be a fairy godmother of some sorts (for whom isn't so certain). She convinces him to stop moping, bathe, shave, get a hot new haircut (which I was never able to do, but whatever) and buy me flowers from an aforementioned flower cart...all to a few lines from Madonna's Dress You Up in My Love (because what's life without a Madonna song?)

By this time, I'm starting to miss him, too, but because I am Superwoman a la Alicia Keys I have too much pride to go back to him. And just when things look like they're not going to work between us, he shows up with his slick new style and a radio on his shoulder, throwing rocks at my window. He lays flowers down on the sidewalk and it turns out he's recruited some of his friends to treat me to a choreographed performance of Jay Sean's Do You Remember...because people dance when lives are set to soundtracks. I pretend to be embarrassed, but of course, I'm totally flattered. Who can say no to that? So of course, I rush down the stairs to accept his apology, and that's when our new anthem, Til Kingdom Come (did you really think I could have a soundtrack to my life without Coldplay?) plays in the closing credits.

And of course, there will be a sequel to this story, not because it doesn't end there, but because I couldn't fit my favorite--The Nearness of You by Norah Jones--in this time.

What would be on the soundtrack of your life?