Powerful Beyond Measure

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with some amazing teenage girls and young women. One of the most touching parts of the weekend was when we sat in a circle and identified two things that we loved about ourselves. The answers ranged from being able to make people laugh, making good grades and confidence to butts, freckles and legs. As each female gave her response, it was like a light was moving around the circle.

Still, as we went around the circle, one of the young adults said, "I like my body...and I feel bad about saying that, but I do. I really like my body."

It seems like that's a common reaction out in the real world. Why do women feel bad about celebrating our beauty? We call women bitches and snobs when they - even humbly - say that they feel beautiful. We're "haters" when we see other women accomplish great things. We allow jealousy, doubt and fear to eclipse our own greatness.

Don't we realize that we are all powerful beyond measure? Half of this world is held up by the hands of women! Our bodies have nourished mankind. We can push melons through an aperture that's the size of a pea! No man can do that.

I'm making a promise to myself: that I won't feel bad when I celebrate my belief I'm a good listener, gifted when it comes to working with youth, smart, and patient with everyone I come across. I'm determined to reach my dreams, and believe I'm worth people's time. On top of that, I like the way I smile, and I think my petite body, nose and ears are really cute...like really cute. :-)

When women recognize their captivating beauty both inside and out, men who doubt us don't stand a chance!

Real Women

One of the things that I love about my job is talking to the mothers of the children I work with and learning from their experiences.

One mother recently said, "I'm so glad that there are  young women working with the teens and middle schoolers here. I don't think young women and teenage girls realize that they have the power to set the tone in their relationships."

She went on to say that women, in the past few decades, have shaped themselves into empowered individuals who can live on their own but then they turn around and wonder why they "can't find any good men." She told me about a conversation she had with a a male friend of hers who had always been accustomed to holding doors open to women, but lately he's been standing at doors wondering "Should I open this door for her or will she think that I'm patronizing her because I think she can't open the door for herself?"

Have women emasculated men to the point where men don't know what their roles are in relationships? And with the surge of the "feminist movement," have women lost the sense of what femininity is?

I get lectures about how women didn't burn their bras so I could be complacent. But does it mean that I'm complacent if I let a man open a door for me or if I wouldn't want to have children without a man by my side? And does it mean that women who stay at home as a wives and mothers aren't feminists because they let their husbands be the primary breadwinners?

My opinions are summarized by scenes in Mona Lisa Smile, where Julia Roberts scolds her class at Wellesley as "the smartest women in the nation" who will use their physics degrees solely to make calculations on how to perfectly roast a chicken and Julia Stiles' retort later on that "being a wife and mother" is what she really wants.

It just brings up a lot of questions--what defines a modern woman and what role does a man play in a modern woman's life?

On Being a Lady

It's possible to be smart and beautiful.

A while back, I blogged about the Ten Things Every Woman Should Do. I still stick to what I said, but I've begun to think more and more that there is a clear difference between being a woman and being a lady. Being a woman is biological, but being a lady is behavioral.

Not too long ago, I was listening in on a conversation about girls today and how too often they feel like they have to dress provocatively, have perfect bodies and hair down to there in order to get a boy's attention. We can easily blame this on the boys who salivate at the low cut shirts and napkin-sized skirts. We can even blame it on the media which splashes impossible-to-achieve images of "beauty" on billboards and television screens. We can blame it on big businesses that believe that sex sells. But the truth is that "sex sells...if you buy it."

There's an awful lot of talk about feminism and the sexual revolution and women being able to take control of their own bodies. No need to limit yourself to one man, ladies. Be sexy! Date around! You're free! You're in charge of what you do to your body. But then again, how many times have I heard about women giving in to men and then complaining about men not calling or how difficult it is to please them once the spark is gone? How often do women cry when a man cheats on them with a hotter, younger woman? Once he leaves, who has the control then?

I'm sure that some women will come back and say that they can find another man once the flavor of the week leaves. But I say that the true control is in taking charge of yourself and not needing a man to fulfill you. That business of feminism and being in control of your body is true, just not in the way that it's most commonly portrayed. I think that women have more control when they assert their confidence in themselves inside and out. Women have more control when they spend their time the way they want to rather than waiting on a man to tell them what to read, what to watch, what to like and what to wear.

I hear statistics all the time about how the cosmetic industry is constantly growing and how more and more women are getting plastic surgery to change the way they look. Young girls aspire to be famous whether they have the talent to do something meaningful in the entertainment industry or not.

I'm not gonna lie. I like to look nice, too. I wear makeup and match my clothes. But despite that, I don't ever want to be known as being "sexy" or "hot." I'd rather be smart, classy, interesting, kind, generous. Being sexy is transient. Being clever will last however long you want it to last. I'm sure that there are girls out there shaking their heads now, saying that I'll never get a man if I'm not willing to show some skin, but really...if you're always out there showing skin, that's what the man's gonna get because frankly, that's all that he wants. But if you're able to carry a conversation and truly be caring and compassionate and a man sticks around, then he's tagged you not as the girl he wants to take home, but the girl he wants to take home to mom.