Teenage Dream

Do you remember your teenage love? You know, the person that you were so sure you were going to be with forever even though you were a junior or senior in high school and realistically, marriage, was a good 5-10 years away.

I remember mine. I was 17 years old when I was so sure that something could happen between me and the star of our golf team (yes, I said GOLF TEAM--but before you make fun, remember that I'm from the golf mecca of the world). Of course, that didn't amount to anything, but I started thinking about him one day when I was listening to the radio and Katy Perry's Teenage Dream came on.




It made me wonder--why does pop culture (and society in general) refer to the teen years as the "glory years?" After the Katy Perry incident, I started thinking back to some of the other music on my ipod: Alicia Keys Teenage Love Affair and Tyga's First Tymers. How many times have you heard an adult who's in love say "I feel like a teenager again?" Is it simply that being a teenager reminds you of being young and fresh when everything was new and exciting? Maybe those feelings of excitement were the case for some people, but all I remember about being a teenage was awkwardness, self-doubt and naivete.

If I were to rewrite Katy Perry's song, I would include lines about zits, too heavy eyeshadow, ill-fitting clothing, and complete confusion. Sure teenage years are a great time to learn a lot of lessons, but for me, it was far from a dream.

To be honest, when it comes to relationships, I'm still learning. Sometimes it does feel like I'm back in high school where I didn't really know anything about love. But maybe THAT'S the dream. I've always touted the learning process, so maybe that's why this thing of relationships is believable as a dream. You keep on learning from the good relationships, no matter how awkward they may be.

Plain Jane

Plain Jane. Girl Next Door. They pretty much mean the same thing. It's that girl that you're friends with but don't necessarily drool over. You're comfortable with Plain Jane. You hang out with her, go to the mall, watch movies together. But she's not the hottie you talk to with your buddies if you're a guy or the girl you secretly envy if you're a girl.


I've plugged myself into the category of this "Girl Next Door" type, so when CW came out with a show called Plain Jane with the premise of making over an ordinary girl so that she can tell her crush about her feelings for him, I couldn't help but watch.

To make a long story short, the girl Cristen had a crush on her guy friend Ty for six years but was always considered to be just a friend and "one of the guys." Enter beautiful woman with a British accent for the role of "fairy godmother" who critiques Cristen's "Plain Jane" ways from her clothing to her bedding and even takes Cristen to a burlesque club. After asking Cristen about her thoughts on the performance, Cristen says "Well, that's nice...for her." She is then instructed to make up her own burlesque routine to help build confidence and learn how to be sexy. One of my favorite parts of the show came when the pair was shopping for new clothes and the Plain Jane said "Can't you celebrate curves under a sweatshirt?"

Truthfully, I kept on asking myself..."Why should she have to change for this man like this? Won't he be falling for the made up version of this girl and not the person she is inside?" Don't get me wrong. I totally believe in dressing up every now and then, playing with my hair and experimenting with makeup to look pretty for the right man. But I would also want him to fall in love with me for the person I am inside, not the magic I can do with a flatiron and makeup brushes. My heart sunk a little bit when Cristen looked in the mirror and said "Wow...I don't look like myself." The thing is, I thought she was so cute even before the transformation.

Granted, she got the guy in the end and they stuck together. But I have to wonder...what will he think when he sees what she went through to get his attention? Will he be impressed? Flattered? A little creeped out? Who knows?

In my case, I just want to know that I won't have to pull out the glittery eyeshadow and high heels to keep a man happy. And I would want him to know that when the makeup comes off, I'm still the same Melissa that he was attracted to in the beginning.

And the big question remains the same:  Will there ever be a Plain Joe show where men are made over so they can reveal their feelings for a girl? Or is it just girls who need to change their image to reel in the guys they want?

$17 Penalty

My 10-year high school reunion is coming up. It costs $50 for singles and $75 for couples. I feel like couples are getting a buy one ticket, get the second half off deal and I feel like I'm being fined $12 for being single.

Has anyone else ever noticed that it's always cheaper for a couple to get into events? But isn't it easier to entertain one person than two?

As I get older, I've started to feel like all the privileges are for couples. How much have I spent on engagement, wedding, baby, and anniversary gifts for my married/engaged/pregnant friends? And how many excuses have I gotten from my my married/engaged/pregnant friends who can't come out on my birthday because they have to tend to their spouse/fiancee/child?

Maybe it's time to consider the singles out there.

Or maybe I'm just bitter.

How to Treat a Gentleman***

I was recently talking to a male friend about relationships. Somehow we got into a discussion about books on relationships, and I pointed out that many of the books giving out relationship advice focus on men and how to treat women. I got to wondering, "Where are the books about how to treat men?"

So here it is...v55173w presents...How to Treat a Gentleman

1.) Let him be a gentleman. I consider myself to be a feminist, but I also consider myself to be feminine. I'll leave it up to the men to be masculine. If a man ever shows you in any way that he is a gentleman, let him do it. Don't tell him "I can open the door/pull out my chair/take off my jacket all by myself" when he offers to do these things for you. And when it comes time to pay the check at dinner, don't assume that he's going to pay for it, but if he puts his card down, let him. It's fine to offer to pay your piece or help out with the tip, but if he insists on paying, let him do it 'cause you know that if he lets you pay the first thing you're gonna do is go home and whine to your girlfriends that he's a cheapskate who didn't pay for your plate of rabbit food. And to be honest, I think that when you play the "let me pay" game too much, it hurts his manhood.

2.) Give him a day off from the need to embody effortless perfection-Women have it hard with the images of size -5 women with doctorate degrees from Harvard, perfect birthing hips, millions in her bank account, and the ability to have a freshly made homecooked organic meal on the table each night. Despite these unrealistic, unattainable gender roles, I'm not sure women often pause and think about the unrealistic images that men face. It can't be easy to be 6' plus, have that Ivy League degree, money in the bank, nice muscles, a flashy car, the ability to provide for a perfect family, pick up flowers on the way from home AND help old ladies across the street all at the same time. True gentlemen really are good at heart, but if they slip every now and then, give them a break.

3.) Let him know that he's better than the thugs and meatheads.-I've never been the type to be attracted to the bad boy or anyone from the cast of Jersey Shore (Give me a suit and tie over gelled hair and a leather jacket any day!), so I've never really understand why the nice guys feel the need to be "the bad boy" or to live on the edge in order to get a woman's attention. Then I looked around at some of the most attractive women I know, and they go for the bad boys because they're looking for adventure or they're attracted to the men who take risks. These guys usually end up breaking hearts and the nice guy is the one who picks up the pieces. Ladies, stop going after the bad boys. Stick with the sweetheart that's going to be there for you no matter what, and let him know that he's worth it.

4.) Be grateful and sharing is caring.-Yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before that it's the job of the man to buy the chocolates, champagne and flowers on Valentines Day/anniversaries/birthdays/Christmas/Groundhogs Day. It's chivalry, and it's how men are supposed to prove that they're romantic and not just a bag of bones. But danggit, be grateful! Don't return the heart-shaped box and say "Get me something better." If you have a man that's willing to spoil you with gifts on special occasions, don't tell him to upgrade those gifts if they're not exactly what you wanted. And when you crack open the bottle of bubbly, pour a glass for him, and let him have first pick at the box of chocolates.

5.) Take advice from him and let him win when he's right.-Yes, sometimes he knows better than you do and is right. 'Nuff said.

6.) Give him space to breathe-Together time is great, but you know how you feel when you've been wearing those really cute 4-inch heels that look great and give you confidence but hurt really bad if you wear them for way too long? Don't be those shoes to a gentleman. Sometimes he needs to get away to have a beer and watch the playoffs without you. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore or that he's more dedicated to the can of Bud or the ballgame. It just means he needs some alone time and when he returns to you, it will feel like the first day you did the sign and swipe and made that pretty pair of heels your own.

7.) Occasionally, revert to the old-timer hunter-gatherer roles.-Tarzan=hunter. Jane=gatherer. It's in men's nature to want to hunt and chase. If everything they want is right there, they've got nothing left to do and they get bored. BUT they'll chase if they see something (or someone) they want and they'll find it more rewarding when they get it (or her). It works both ways--when a man is allowed to chase a woman, she knows he's interested because he keeps up with the pursuit. But don't be too coy. The way I put it is that you let a man chase you, but leave breadcrumbs so he knows he's going in the right direction!

8. When you get a good one, don't let him get away.-Can't get any clearer than that.

***Disclaimer-I'm a single lady, so if the above are ineffective, don't blame me. I really don't know what I'm talking about.

Measure in Love

I have been reading John Lewis's memoir, Walking with the Wind, and he describes an incident where young children were marching for equality and were attacked by policemen with water hoses. Months afterwards, the chief of police who was authorized attack was hospitalized. Right outside were those children with signs that read "Get well soon."

While hiding out in her father's office building in Amsterdam during World War II, Anne Frank kept a diary that has become a widely read personal account. One of the lines read "Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."

I recently spoke with someone who I love and admire very much. She talked about her son and how he would do the right thing even if it meant that he would suffer negative consequences because of it. Her son was once caught for doing something wrong. His friends ran away in order to avoid punishment, but he stayed to help a little brother of one of his friends. The little brother had tripped and fallen, and because he stopped to help he got caught while the others got away. All this at the age of thirteen. This little boy grew up to be someone who would always put others before himself, often sacrificing his own comfort for the sake of people he barely even knew.

How can it be that people face difficult circumstances and still emerge with love in their hearts?

The answer is clear: They have to choose to do so.

Sadly, I look around and see how often people choose to do the opposite. They choose to be vengeful. They choose to be spiteful. They choose to hold grudges. They choose to make assumptions. It's cyclical. When they treat people that way, their targets grant them the same treatment.

Why do we focus on the negative things people do and then hold those things against them? Why do we always think that we've got all the answers and never consider the feelings of others?

I know it's possible because it's been done before but why is it so hard for us to simply Measure in Love?

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.-Romans 12:21

If My Life Had a Soundtrack

I love the show Glee. I've only watched a few episodes, but I'm hooked and eagerly anticipating a new season of this deliciously addictive sitcom.


Whenever a great musical comes out, I find myself wishing that it were more socially acceptable to burst into song in the middle of the street...or in my case, the office...or the grocery store. More than once, I've wanted to just start spinning around at the park near my house and sing "The hillllllllllllls are alive with the sound of music!" I've also looked at my bills and the first few chords of "Rent" have begun to play in my mind. I've also thought "Beauty School Drop Out" upon seeing a woman clad in animal print leggings and overprocessed big hair. And I've imagined finding the perfect guy and recited "Love is a many splendoured thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you needs is love" in my head.

Life is a whole lot better when it's set to music, so here it is...my life set to a soundtrack:

The first time I heard Everything by Michael Buble, I decided that if my life were ever turned into a movie or a television series that it would be played during the opening credits. I can just imagine myself twirling around on the streets of some fictional city dotted with fruit stands and flower carts. I've got shopping bags in my hands and a sweet little trench coat on. I am, indeed, Everything. And as I'm getting ready for work, the song She Is by The Fray is blaring from my radio so that I'll feel confident and fresh for whatever the day has for me. I walk to the office wearing 3-inch heels to the tune of One Step at a Time Jordin Sparks.

On the weekends, I'll Be Lovin' You Long Time by Mariah Carey will be playing as I go shopping, watch college football, go out, and have girl talk with my besties and of course, I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight by Cutting Crew will be playing in the background as I spot the man of my dreams from across the room. (Seriously, could it have been anything else? Don't you remember the origin of this blog?)

And as Mr. Right and I skip through what I can only imagine will be an open meadow complete with daisies and butterflies, Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now by Joss Stone feat. Common will accompany our first kiss. For some time, we'll be that couple that everyone envies; that couple that everyone wants to be; that couple that makes everyone want to barf in their mouths just a little bit. But it won't last long because he'll cheat on me...not because he doesn't love me but because he's a little bit afraid of relationships and commitment. As he's trying to sort out his feelings, Nickelback's Far Away and Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You plays over and over again in his dark and twisty mind while he tries to be bright and shiny to his man friends who try to convince him to get over me.

Meanwhile, I'm pissed. While he's listening to songs like Please Forgive Me by Bryan Adams and believe it or not, Taylor Swift's Teardrops on My Guitar, I'm listening to The M People's Moving on Up and Fiona Apple's Criminal not because I've done something wrong but because if I act on the anger building up inside me, I really will need a good defense. Then I switch it up to songs like Eminem's Lose Yourself and Eye of the Tiger while I shadowbox and run (a lot of running at this point) because frankly all I can think of is punching "Mr. She was there so was I and things just got carried away" square in the nose and working out is all that restrains me from actually doing so.

Switch back to Mr. Trying to Improve Himself who has decided that he'll do anything to get me back. After all, he's just heard Sofia Barbosa's Kissing You which he made fun of me for loving the first time we watched Romeo + Juliet together. That line about "watching stars without you, my soul cries" was clearly just too much, so he enlists the help of my best friend who turns out to be a fairy godmother of some sorts (for whom isn't so certain). She convinces him to stop moping, bathe, shave, get a hot new haircut (which I was never able to do, but whatever) and buy me flowers from an aforementioned flower cart...all to a few lines from Madonna's Dress You Up in My Love (because what's life without a Madonna song?)

By this time, I'm starting to miss him, too, but because I am Superwoman a la Alicia Keys I have too much pride to go back to him. And just when things look like they're not going to work between us, he shows up with his slick new style and a radio on his shoulder, throwing rocks at my window. He lays flowers down on the sidewalk and it turns out he's recruited some of his friends to treat me to a choreographed performance of Jay Sean's Do You Remember...because people dance when lives are set to soundtracks. I pretend to be embarrassed, but of course, I'm totally flattered. Who can say no to that? So of course, I rush down the stairs to accept his apology, and that's when our new anthem, Til Kingdom Come (did you really think I could have a soundtrack to my life without Coldplay?) plays in the closing credits.

And of course, there will be a sequel to this story, not because it doesn't end there, but because I couldn't fit my favorite--The Nearness of You by Norah Jones--in this time.

What would be on the soundtrack of your life?

On Being a Lady

It's possible to be smart and beautiful.

A while back, I blogged about the Ten Things Every Woman Should Do. I still stick to what I said, but I've begun to think more and more that there is a clear difference between being a woman and being a lady. Being a woman is biological, but being a lady is behavioral.

Not too long ago, I was listening in on a conversation about girls today and how too often they feel like they have to dress provocatively, have perfect bodies and hair down to there in order to get a boy's attention. We can easily blame this on the boys who salivate at the low cut shirts and napkin-sized skirts. We can even blame it on the media which splashes impossible-to-achieve images of "beauty" on billboards and television screens. We can blame it on big businesses that believe that sex sells. But the truth is that "sex sells...if you buy it."

There's an awful lot of talk about feminism and the sexual revolution and women being able to take control of their own bodies. No need to limit yourself to one man, ladies. Be sexy! Date around! You're free! You're in charge of what you do to your body. But then again, how many times have I heard about women giving in to men and then complaining about men not calling or how difficult it is to please them once the spark is gone? How often do women cry when a man cheats on them with a hotter, younger woman? Once he leaves, who has the control then?

I'm sure that some women will come back and say that they can find another man once the flavor of the week leaves. But I say that the true control is in taking charge of yourself and not needing a man to fulfill you. That business of feminism and being in control of your body is true, just not in the way that it's most commonly portrayed. I think that women have more control when they assert their confidence in themselves inside and out. Women have more control when they spend their time the way they want to rather than waiting on a man to tell them what to read, what to watch, what to like and what to wear.

I hear statistics all the time about how the cosmetic industry is constantly growing and how more and more women are getting plastic surgery to change the way they look. Young girls aspire to be famous whether they have the talent to do something meaningful in the entertainment industry or not.

I'm not gonna lie. I like to look nice, too. I wear makeup and match my clothes. But despite that, I don't ever want to be known as being "sexy" or "hot." I'd rather be smart, classy, interesting, kind, generous. Being sexy is transient. Being clever will last however long you want it to last. I'm sure that there are girls out there shaking their heads now, saying that I'll never get a man if I'm not willing to show some skin, but really...if you're always out there showing skin, that's what the man's gonna get because frankly, that's all that he wants. But if you're able to carry a conversation and truly be caring and compassionate and a man sticks around, then he's tagged you not as the girl he wants to take home, but the girl he wants to take home to mom.