"Be a Leader."

As I grow older, I realize that there are going to be times when my personal conviction doesn't mesh with what everyone else expects from me. Pop culture tells us over and over again that we need to have a lot of money, look pretty and conform in order to be accepted. I want to be accepted, but I don't want to have to adopt criteria that someone else has drafted in order to gain a stamp of approval.


Yes, the refusal to do what everyone expects from me or what's popular makes life a lot more challenging to me, and it creates roadblocks towards what I want. And yes, I often contemplate whether or not I should give in, but then I'm inspired by the lives of people who chose to walk the path of resistance and somehow convince others to follow them.

I'm reminded of something that I say to the kids I work with. There are always those troublemakers who want to push buttons and test my limits. I used to use threats like "I'll call your mom" or "I know your father," and I realized that never worked. I looked more like a tattle-tale than an authority figure. It dawned on me that I wanted these kids to respect all authority figures, myself included, so rather than responding with "I'm telling,"  I started saying, "Be a leader." I was amazed at how they responded. They wanted to be responsible. They wanted an opportunity to show their peers how to act. They wanted an adult to place high expectations on them. They liked being at the front of the crowd--that's why they were asking for attention through acting up. Those troublemakers are the ones who CAN lead.

While the concept is different from expectations to conform, the mantra is just as powerful. When people expect one thing of you that you don't necessarily agree with, change the tide and "Be A Leader."

I Picked Up My Pen

It's been about a year and a half since I started with this blog, and just for fun I decided to read over some of my earlier posts. Then I realized that my inaugural post, I Dropped My Fork doesn't even apply anymore because that so-called "Dreamboat" has sailed away...and now there are so many things that I can't stand about him. Funny how things can change in one year. Still, I have to admit that my world is still pretty upside-down.

In the 18 months since I started this blog, I've had numerous conversations about relationships, and I recently told someone that I really want to end up with a man who I can potentially learn from every day. The reaction: "Wow...that's a pretty high expectation." I never thought it was, but that response made me sit and think about whether or not trying to learn something from someone else is realistic at all. And it made me wonder, too, "Are my expectations too high? Is it even possible to learn something new everyday?"

I've always had a passion for learning and I've always thought that it was important to surround myself with people who challenge me and the way that I think. But now I wonder...is it even possible? So I'm starting an experiment that I'll be documenting on a new blog: The Eternal Classroom. In the Eternal Classroom, I'll be documenting the new somethings I learn each day. Stay tuned. So here I go...I'm picking up my pen, and I'm ready to learn.

Walking with the Wind

Photo from John Lewis's Walking with the Wind

A friend of mine recently commented on my Games People Play post with a series of questions, and since the questions were so profound, I decided to dedicate a whole new post to the responses, many of which are influenced by John Lewis's memoir, Walking with the Wind.

1. Do you think that greed, the need for power, authority, and selfishness are similar flaws in mankind? And who would argue that these things are often "deleterious" to society? But on the real - would you say there's any viable solution, this side of changing the DNA of humans? Or would you say calling 'greed, violence, power-hungriness' being a flaw of human nature a cop out? Should people somehow rise above these natural instincts?
The American civil rights movement is one of the most important events in our history, and I doubt that most Americans would argue against that assertion. One of the things that struck me the most as I've been reading Lewis's memoir is that when they first started organizing sit-ins to integrate counters in the South, they didn't have any one "leader." Rather, the leadership was shared because the movement was about "group effectiveness and responsibility, not individual power." I for one believe that the civil rights movement, although the ultimate goal in its entirety is yet to be realized, was a great success, so there had to be some kind of validity in its model of leadership in its nascent stages. These were simply people who were coming together because they shared a passion in creating an equal, integrated America. The fact that they put their focus on "shared leadership" rather than on direction from one individual ensured that the goal remained a collective one. Notice that many of their victories are marked by groups of people rather than individuals: The Little Rock Nine, the Freedom Riders, The Big Six.

One the other hand, some of the greatest oppression in history have been marked by the rise of one person to power: Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Saddam Hussain, Fidel Castro.

I know that I've heard "sometimes you have to be selfish in order to succeed" more than once in my lifetime. I don't want to say that selfishness and the desire for power are always harmful, but I think it's always best to find the optimal solution for every problem, and more often than not, I think that the "shared responsibility" model is the way to go because it ensures that the desire to accomplish a collective goal overrides the innate human desire to be "the top dog."


2. But on the other hand, is a world where everyone is compassionate and unselfish even a world? Has that ever existed? If it'd be beneficial to all, why has it not existed? Maybe this is the best world... to have selfishness, and selflessness. Can you really have one without the other?
Keeping this one simple. A compassionate, unselfish world, I think, is an ideal world. Imagine what the world would be like if we were simply nicer to one another. No wars, no violence, no hunger. And it hasn't existed because there are enough people out there who think only of themselves.

3. Won't there always be haves and have-nots? And as the 'haves' are glorified by society - won't people be manipulative in their path to climb their figurative ladders, and to maintain their positions?
I'm pretty sure that there will always be haves and have-nots, again, because there will always be enough people to think only of themselves and they'll pass their philosophy on to their offspring. So, until that chain is broken (and I'm not convinced that it ever will be), we'll always have haves and have nots. Aside from that, who's to say that what society "glorifies" is always optimal? Just look at our American society. We've glorified Paris Hilton, size zero and sex tapes. And when has manipulation been a good thing? Just because it's popular, doesn't mean that it's going to make for a better environment...and isn't that what we're striving to create? "A more perfect union?"

All of this takes self-reflection and constant reassessment. But in order to be the best we possibly can be, then I think we should always be willing to work towards collective goals, not self-reward.

And by the way, I studied Political Science during my undergraduate years at the University of Georgia.

It's Lonely on Top...

It's not easy being on top. With the power comes responsibility.

I've been thinking a lot about Barack Obama and the responsibilities that he has on his shoulders as President of the United States; the leader of the free world. Millions of people watched him take the oath of office. People around the world are placing their hope on his shoulders. It's got me wondering...how does he sleep at night? How does he get through his day with that kind of pressure?

I've held my share of leadership positions, and I've had my share of challenges while in those positions. I know that I can rely on people who I'm working with, and I know that they're responsible enough to take care of their responsibilities. But then again, when you're on the top of the human pyramid, there's nowhere to go but down. And if the people on the lower rungs don't pull their weight, the one on top falls the hardest. And everyone laughs at the person on top who comes tumbling to the ground.