Walking with the Wind

Photo from John Lewis's Walking with the Wind

A friend of mine recently commented on my Games People Play post with a series of questions, and since the questions were so profound, I decided to dedicate a whole new post to the responses, many of which are influenced by John Lewis's memoir, Walking with the Wind.

1. Do you think that greed, the need for power, authority, and selfishness are similar flaws in mankind? And who would argue that these things are often "deleterious" to society? But on the real - would you say there's any viable solution, this side of changing the DNA of humans? Or would you say calling 'greed, violence, power-hungriness' being a flaw of human nature a cop out? Should people somehow rise above these natural instincts?
The American civil rights movement is one of the most important events in our history, and I doubt that most Americans would argue against that assertion. One of the things that struck me the most as I've been reading Lewis's memoir is that when they first started organizing sit-ins to integrate counters in the South, they didn't have any one "leader." Rather, the leadership was shared because the movement was about "group effectiveness and responsibility, not individual power." I for one believe that the civil rights movement, although the ultimate goal in its entirety is yet to be realized, was a great success, so there had to be some kind of validity in its model of leadership in its nascent stages. These were simply people who were coming together because they shared a passion in creating an equal, integrated America. The fact that they put their focus on "shared leadership" rather than on direction from one individual ensured that the goal remained a collective one. Notice that many of their victories are marked by groups of people rather than individuals: The Little Rock Nine, the Freedom Riders, The Big Six.

One the other hand, some of the greatest oppression in history have been marked by the rise of one person to power: Adolf Hitler, Mao Zedong, Saddam Hussain, Fidel Castro.

I know that I've heard "sometimes you have to be selfish in order to succeed" more than once in my lifetime. I don't want to say that selfishness and the desire for power are always harmful, but I think it's always best to find the optimal solution for every problem, and more often than not, I think that the "shared responsibility" model is the way to go because it ensures that the desire to accomplish a collective goal overrides the innate human desire to be "the top dog."


2. But on the other hand, is a world where everyone is compassionate and unselfish even a world? Has that ever existed? If it'd be beneficial to all, why has it not existed? Maybe this is the best world... to have selfishness, and selflessness. Can you really have one without the other?
Keeping this one simple. A compassionate, unselfish world, I think, is an ideal world. Imagine what the world would be like if we were simply nicer to one another. No wars, no violence, no hunger. And it hasn't existed because there are enough people out there who think only of themselves.

3. Won't there always be haves and have-nots? And as the 'haves' are glorified by society - won't people be manipulative in their path to climb their figurative ladders, and to maintain their positions?
I'm pretty sure that there will always be haves and have-nots, again, because there will always be enough people to think only of themselves and they'll pass their philosophy on to their offspring. So, until that chain is broken (and I'm not convinced that it ever will be), we'll always have haves and have nots. Aside from that, who's to say that what society "glorifies" is always optimal? Just look at our American society. We've glorified Paris Hilton, size zero and sex tapes. And when has manipulation been a good thing? Just because it's popular, doesn't mean that it's going to make for a better environment...and isn't that what we're striving to create? "A more perfect union?"

All of this takes self-reflection and constant reassessment. But in order to be the best we possibly can be, then I think we should always be willing to work towards collective goals, not self-reward.

And by the way, I studied Political Science during my undergraduate years at the University of Georgia.

Games People Play

"The worst part of my day is dealing with grown people. I don't particularly like adults. They aren't always very nice. If you work with children you know that there is no more powerful love than the love you feel from a child."-Dr. Steve Perry, founder and principal of Capital Prep

Steve Perry is one of my professional heroes. As founder and principal of Capital Prep (where 100% of the students not only graduate but also go on to four year universities), he has proven that when you demand excellence, young people rise to the challenge. So, I take a lot of what he says seriously. The quote above caught my attention because it directly reflects experiences I have at work with both children and my personal experiences with some adults.

It seems like the older we get, the more interested we become in just reaching the goal and forgetting the joys that come with the process. I recently had two scenarios, one involving adults and one involving second graders. Needless to say, I enjoyed the experience with the little ones a lot more, primarily because they're so much more genuine than most adults. We all play games. Children play them because they want to have fun. Adults play them because they want to manipulate power.

What happens to us as we age that makes us so power hungry and eager to compete even with people who are supposed to be on our team? What is this strong desire to be the alpha male or the alpha female in our adult lives that makes it okay to put down other people in the process? It really breaks my heart when people break from a team for their own selfish ambitions.

Redemption comes only when I see one of the kids I work with help a friend or classmate or when I see them share without me even having to ask them to do so. Times like that, it seems like they're the ones who should be in charge, not the adults.

When and why do we become so selfish? And what do we do to stop it? It all just reinforces something that I've heard often: If you want to learn some of the best lessons, spend more time with people under the age of five.

Day 30

As a Catholic girl, I have observed the season of Lent every year for as long as I can remember. I remember going to a Catholic school, and on Ash Wednesdays, my classmates and I would always want to go to the priest that would apply the least amount of ashes to our foreheads. I remember always giving something up for Lent, usually chocolate or some other sweet that I knew I could do without because I would replace it with something else equally as tasty. I remember going to Mass on Holy Thursday and Good Friday with all of the stand up/sit down rituals. And I remember goign to Easter Sunday Mass in a pretty new dress, but even more than that, I remember the Easter picnics that followed said religious services.

I never really spent much time as a child reflecting on what Lent really meant, but as an adult, I would always make the decision to make the time useful and to grow spiritually for the 40 designated days of Lent. Although Lent is typically known as a spiritual journey, I think that what I've learned this year can serve as a lesson for anyone:

1.) You gain a lot when you deny yourself.-Like I said, for as long as I could remember, I have given something up for Lent. This year, I gave up junk food-goodbye chips, cookies, candy, ice cream, etc. I can't believe how many times I've been tempted. I'll admit that I was pretty pumped up about getting rid of artificial foods during the first few days. I was eating a lot healthier. Instead of grabbing a bag of chips or a cookie, I was literally eating out of a bag of spinach, making homemade dressing and all that jazz. It was great! I was so on a roll that I even decided that I was going to start exercising for the sake of my health, too. This went on for a good two weeks before I started to get grumpy. Man, I wanted that Oreo, and I would have paid big money for just ONE kettle chip without any guilt. But every time one of those treats was just inches from my lips, I told myself: Wait. You gave this up for Lent! Then I would ask Why did I give this up for Lent? I'd answer myself: Because Jesus died for my sins. And instead of eating that cookie or that potato chip, I'd get a banana and feel pretty good about myself. And I came to the realization that every time I put something bad into my body, it was less space for something good. It's the same way for my spiritual health. All the bad juju that I accept takes up so much space that I don't have any room for anything good. So, rather than just giving something up, I realize that this time is also a period to allow ourselves to replace all that negativity with positivity.

2.) Forgiveness is powerful-One of my biggest downfalls is that I hold grudges. I don't forgive people easily, and if I do forgive them, I don't forget. And sometimes it's not just forgiving people after they've done some thing wrong that makes for a better person, it's learning to accept them as they are without becoming bitter. Civil rights leader, John Lewis, said that when he was learning the ropes of civil disobedience, he was told that if he and his fellow protesters pictured the people who were tormenting and beating them as innocent babies, then they would truly be living the movement and "loving the hell out of them." Imagine that. Everyone, at one point, is completely innocent, and if we can see them in that form, then it becomes easier to forgive. In a recent homily, my parish priest said, "He who seeks revenge should dig two graves: one for his enemy and one for himself." I believe that the art of forgiveness will be one of the greatest struggles of my life, but I will not let the desire to get revenge on people who have wronged me be the death of me.

3.) When juxtaposed with problems of others, your own petty issues are just that--petty.-So what if I wanted a bag of chips or an Oreo cookie! Someone somewhere would give anything to have one of those healthy pieces of fruit that I ate instead. So what if I'm hungry from fasting. Truth be told, I'll get to eat as much as I want within 24 hours. So what if my computer has a burned out motherboard and it takes me 2 months to get it repaired. I'll get it back eventually, and I can always use my work computer if I need to. Someone somewhere won't get that privilige...Ever.

More than anything, I feel like this Lenten season has taught me how to appreciate what I have and how to fill myself with things and people that are more worthwhile to my physical, mental, intellectual and spiritual health. And the best part is that there's ten more days to go.

When I Die...

"And when he dies, take him and cut him out in little stars and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all will fall in love with the night and pay no attention to the garish sun."

Okay, so it's been a while since I first read Romeo and Juliet in the 8th grade, and I may not have remembered the lines in the perfect iambic pentameter, but these lines came to my mind yesterday as I was thinking about death. A morose topic, I know, but it came to me as I was thinking of Lent and that "ashes to ashes" business we went through on Ash Wednesday. I know I'm going to die one day, and the more I think about it, the more comfortable I feel about it. It doesn't mean that I'm looking forward to it, but I've accepted the fact that I'm not going to live forever.

I read a magazine article about a woman whose husband died of liver disease about 3 years into their marriage, and what she said echoed the same thing one of my friends said after she lost her grandfather:

Tell someone "I love you."

I don't know where I"ll be when I take my last breath, but I do know that when it happens, I want to know just two things:

1.) That my time on earth wasn't wasted
2.) That the loved ones that I've left behind won't be afraid to tell someone "I love you" in my memory.

So while I was thinking of those lines from Romeo and Juliet, I hope my passing doesn't transpire so tragically. And when it's my time, I want people to think of these lyrics:



Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there, smiling back at me. Dancing in moonlight, I know you are free 'cause I can feel your star shining down on me.