On Being a Lady

It's possible to be smart and beautiful.

A while back, I blogged about the Ten Things Every Woman Should Do. I still stick to what I said, but I've begun to think more and more that there is a clear difference between being a woman and being a lady. Being a woman is biological, but being a lady is behavioral.

Not too long ago, I was listening in on a conversation about girls today and how too often they feel like they have to dress provocatively, have perfect bodies and hair down to there in order to get a boy's attention. We can easily blame this on the boys who salivate at the low cut shirts and napkin-sized skirts. We can even blame it on the media which splashes impossible-to-achieve images of "beauty" on billboards and television screens. We can blame it on big businesses that believe that sex sells. But the truth is that "sex sells...if you buy it."

There's an awful lot of talk about feminism and the sexual revolution and women being able to take control of their own bodies. No need to limit yourself to one man, ladies. Be sexy! Date around! You're free! You're in charge of what you do to your body. But then again, how many times have I heard about women giving in to men and then complaining about men not calling or how difficult it is to please them once the spark is gone? How often do women cry when a man cheats on them with a hotter, younger woman? Once he leaves, who has the control then?

I'm sure that some women will come back and say that they can find another man once the flavor of the week leaves. But I say that the true control is in taking charge of yourself and not needing a man to fulfill you. That business of feminism and being in control of your body is true, just not in the way that it's most commonly portrayed. I think that women have more control when they assert their confidence in themselves inside and out. Women have more control when they spend their time the way they want to rather than waiting on a man to tell them what to read, what to watch, what to like and what to wear.

I hear statistics all the time about how the cosmetic industry is constantly growing and how more and more women are getting plastic surgery to change the way they look. Young girls aspire to be famous whether they have the talent to do something meaningful in the entertainment industry or not.

I'm not gonna lie. I like to look nice, too. I wear makeup and match my clothes. But despite that, I don't ever want to be known as being "sexy" or "hot." I'd rather be smart, classy, interesting, kind, generous. Being sexy is transient. Being clever will last however long you want it to last. I'm sure that there are girls out there shaking their heads now, saying that I'll never get a man if I'm not willing to show some skin, but really...if you're always out there showing skin, that's what the man's gonna get because frankly, that's all that he wants. But if you're able to carry a conversation and truly be caring and compassionate and a man sticks around, then he's tagged you not as the girl he wants to take home, but the girl he wants to take home to mom.

Gobble Gobble!

So it's Thanksgiving...my presentation may not be that great, but I sure did enjoy stuffing myself like a little turkey!

I only made the turkey breast because I only eat the white meat anyway. As I was making this, I kept on thinking about what Malia Obama said when her father pardoned the turkey, Courage. "It looks like a really big chicken." You can't tell in the picture, but it's actually stuffed with pistachios and different herbs.



Individual apple-zucchini stuffing servings....because everyone likes the crispy part the best! This way, everyone gets their own crispy bits.

Mashed potatoes and chipotle gravy...chipotle because I can't just make regular gravy. Gotta spice it up a bit!


The ever classic staple, green bean casserole, which despite that recipe on the Campbell's soup can, I refuse to make with canned beans. These were fresh!

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a phyllo dough MASTER! These pumpkin tarts were delicious!

Thanksgiving may end at the close of the day, but be thankful for what you have everyday!

Twitter > Facebook.

It seems like everyone these days uses at least one social networking website. Many people use a combination of MySpace, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn (I'd like to merge them all into one and call it Link My Face You Twit...but that's another story) for professional networks, keeping in touch with friends or simply satisfying their own needs for attention. I've asked myself, "What's the big deal? Why can't people just call or visit each other anymore?

The answer is simple: Interaction via the internet is convenient, easy and dare I say it...just plain entertaining. MySpace is where you go when you want to promote your "talent" with a cheesy twinkling glittery background. YouTube is where you go when you want to post videos of your cat dancing the cha-cha while tapping out mariachi music on the piano with its tail (Ok...maybe a little exaggerated, but there's some weird stuff on YouTube). LinkedIn is where you go to post your resume and find your next job. I have a MySpace account that I never log into anymore. I've never had LinkedIn. And I only go to YouTube to find music videos, how to tutorials or clips of my favorite TV shows.

I've had a love-hate relationship with Facebook for about 3 years, and while I had fun for a while, I eventually got so annoyed that I started deleting friends who I never spoke to, who constantly talked about their drama, kept on posting annoying quizzes about what Twilight character they would be, who friended me because Facebook told them to or who friended me just so they could pump their own egos and say they had 1000+ Facebook friends. Then I started "hiding" activity that was clogging my NewsFeed. Did I really care about who you just friended or what events you'll be attending? NO! As Facebook started to decide for me what I wanted to know about my friends and post ads about meeting single men in my area, it became more and more unattractive.

I thought about deactivating my account but decided against it for the sake of a few people who I wanted to keep in touch with. Meanwhile, I had a few Twitter invites in my email inbox. I took a look and thought "Glorified Facebook status" and ignored them all. As Facebook became more and more annoying, I started to take a second look at the forum for 140 characters or less. I'm now proud to say that I'm beginning to favor it over Facebook.

Here's why:

1.) No more annoying friend suggestions, fan pages, groups or applications to approve or reject.

2.) If someone wants to follow you, they can. If you want to follow them, you can, but you're not required to. Twitter relationships don't have to be mutual.

3.) The possibility of Tyra Banks, Jay Sean, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen Degeneres, Alicia Keys or even the President himself of ever communicating with me goes WAY up. You can't say that about Facebook.

4.) Practice in pith. Once you hit 140, that's it! Some people call it the death of the English language. I take it as a challenge to be more succinct...and to be clever with short quips about everyone else's Tweets.

5.) Trending topics. The ones on thinnest books ever written are hilarious.

6. It's so much easier to follow blogs that I like and find information that's relevant. The shorter entries are easy to filter through and I only click on links that I decide are interesting to me.

7.) SIMPLICITY. There are no profiles where you expose your favorite quotes, likes, dislikes, contact info, or birthday. Just brief pearls of information to get you thinking.

8.) No need to feel like I have to talk in 3rd person because my posts start with v55173w, not my real name. I still remember how much it hurt when status updates on Facebook automatically started with "is" and how annoyed I would get when I would see statuses like "Sue is I love to eat!"

I'm sure this list will continue to grow...or I'll be one of the 60% who leaves Twitter within a month. But so far, things are looking up.

The Importance of Investing in Youth

I think young people are fascinating. I think that I learn more from them than I do from most adults. I think that they need attention today more than ever. That's why I've dedicated so much of my life to making things better for them, and that's why I spend "free time" reading reports on the state of young people around the world, and that's why I drop what I'm doing every time I hear a television program about the plight of children.

Occupations that deal directly with the youngest members of our population aren't glamorous. Teachers are underpaid. Pediatricians are mocked for going into a "soft" sector of the medical profession. Involved with a non-profit that serves children? HA! Do you really think you can "make a difference?" Don't get me started on how underrated mothers and other childcare providers are...

In my line of work, I deal with children from age 3 to age 18. The three year olds are presumed to be spoiled brats who probably sit around watching Sesame Street all day. The elementary kids are out of control. The middle schoolers have too much attitude. The high schoolers are beyond being saved from a future littered with drugs, alcohol and promiscuity. Why do people look at our youth and assume hopelessness rather than envisioning opportunities?

I've seen a lot. I've seen pregnant teens who feel like they've lost their identity because of one mistake. They're merely looking to be accepted by someone without judgment. I've seen a girl who was running away from home and coming back high. She just wanted someone to talk to about how scared she was about trying to live a better life. I've seen kids shy away from their peers who assumed they were "weird." They were experiencing death of loved ones or other difficulties at home.

The point is that these kids weren't lost. They were HUNGRY for attention. They were HUNGRY for a mentor. They were HUNGRY for someone who would take the time and give them the respect that they deserved and the encouragement that they so desperately need. How heartless would we be if we passed by a child in need of food? How can we simply pass by a child who was in need of spiritual, mental or emotional nourishment?

The argument that it costs too many resources--time, money, energy--to invest in these little ones will always exist. But I ask, more importantly, what's the cost of not making that investment? What's the cost of not having a dedicated teacher in every classroom? What's the cost of not having counseling services for young people for whom everything is a crisis? What's the cost of not having productive after school programs that address the needs of young people? What's the cost of not developing a child physically, mentally, spiritually, creatively and emotionally? And is that an expense that we're willing to take on?

So again, I see 11 year olds who think they're 18. I see 18 year olds shouldering the burdens of keeping the house clean, making sure that dinner is on the table and taking care of younger siblings when all they really want is to make decent grades and go to the game on Friday. I see 8 year olds whose parents appease their needs with new toys and video games. It's easy to look at them and wonder "How can one person possibly make a difference?" Given the responsibility we have in shaping the next generation, I can't help but wonder "How can one person not?"