On Being a Lady

It's possible to be smart and beautiful.

A while back, I blogged about the Ten Things Every Woman Should Do. I still stick to what I said, but I've begun to think more and more that there is a clear difference between being a woman and being a lady. Being a woman is biological, but being a lady is behavioral.

Not too long ago, I was listening in on a conversation about girls today and how too often they feel like they have to dress provocatively, have perfect bodies and hair down to there in order to get a boy's attention. We can easily blame this on the boys who salivate at the low cut shirts and napkin-sized skirts. We can even blame it on the media which splashes impossible-to-achieve images of "beauty" on billboards and television screens. We can blame it on big businesses that believe that sex sells. But the truth is that "sex sells...if you buy it."

There's an awful lot of talk about feminism and the sexual revolution and women being able to take control of their own bodies. No need to limit yourself to one man, ladies. Be sexy! Date around! You're free! You're in charge of what you do to your body. But then again, how many times have I heard about women giving in to men and then complaining about men not calling or how difficult it is to please them once the spark is gone? How often do women cry when a man cheats on them with a hotter, younger woman? Once he leaves, who has the control then?

I'm sure that some women will come back and say that they can find another man once the flavor of the week leaves. But I say that the true control is in taking charge of yourself and not needing a man to fulfill you. That business of feminism and being in control of your body is true, just not in the way that it's most commonly portrayed. I think that women have more control when they assert their confidence in themselves inside and out. Women have more control when they spend their time the way they want to rather than waiting on a man to tell them what to read, what to watch, what to like and what to wear.

I hear statistics all the time about how the cosmetic industry is constantly growing and how more and more women are getting plastic surgery to change the way they look. Young girls aspire to be famous whether they have the talent to do something meaningful in the entertainment industry or not.

I'm not gonna lie. I like to look nice, too. I wear makeup and match my clothes. But despite that, I don't ever want to be known as being "sexy" or "hot." I'd rather be smart, classy, interesting, kind, generous. Being sexy is transient. Being clever will last however long you want it to last. I'm sure that there are girls out there shaking their heads now, saying that I'll never get a man if I'm not willing to show some skin, but really...if you're always out there showing skin, that's what the man's gonna get because frankly, that's all that he wants. But if you're able to carry a conversation and truly be caring and compassionate and a man sticks around, then he's tagged you not as the girl he wants to take home, but the girl he wants to take home to mom.