On Immigration

The Governor of Arizona, Jan Brewer recently signed a bill stating that will require police to ask people about immigration status if they suspect they here illegally. Failure to carry immigration documents would be a crime. Supporters of the bill claim that Arizona will "just be enforcing the law" and that "all civil liberties will be protected." Opponents have called it an open invitation for harassment and discrimination against Hispanics regardless of their citizenship status. The Governor herself even said she "would not tolerate any racial profiling."

But I have to wonder...who will be targeted in this new law? What will lead police to suspect that an individual is an illegal immigrant?

Proponents of the law cite the murder of a rancher Rob Krentz, who was believed to be shot by an illegal immigrant connected to a Mexican drug cartel. The sponsor of the bill, Representative Russell Pearce showed his support for the bill by saying, "Illegal is illegal. We'll have less crime. We'll have lower taxes. We'll have safer neighborhoods. We'll have shorter lines in the emergency rooms. We'll have smaller classrooms."

I believe that the murder of Rob Krentz was a tragedy, but I also believe that it was the result, not of illegal immigrant behavior, but because of the behavior of a person lacking a moral compass. When the police in Arizona are occupied tracking the actions of those who may or may not be here illegally, I have to wonder, who will be taking care of the real criminals with depravity, greed and hatred in their hearts?

All of this, of course, brings up the argument that illegal immigrants are a burden on the American society who take jobs away from hard working Americans and that they cause a rise in criminal activity. But chew on these facts from Justice for Immigrants:

Immigrants pay between $90-140 billion a year in federal, state and local taxes. However, the amount of public benefits that they use amounts to only about $5 billion.

Immigrant entrepreneurs create job opportunities for US and foreign workers. For instance, companies in Silicon Valley started by Chinese and Indian immigrants generated more than 73,000 jobs in 2000.

Immigrants take jobs in many parts of the US economy and can contribute up to $500 billion towards the US Social Security system.

Aside from these facts, many immigrants also take low-skilled, low-paying manual labor jobs that many Americans won't take.

Those who believe that Arizona's new law won't lead to any kind of racial profiling are sorely mistaken. Again, I have to question, what does an illegal immigrant even look like? Do I look like an illegal immigrant? Does my blond haired blue eyed friend look like an illegal immigrant? And if the two of us were walking around the city of Tucson, which one of us is more likely to be suspected of being here illegally? If I don't want to be bothered, should I dye my hair blond, pop in some blue contact lenses and lighten my skin? And while I'm at it, should I stop speaking any language other than English, refrain from buying ethnic cuisine and remove the Filipino flag that I now proudly display in my home? I guess I should also buy a flag pin while I'm at it.

Hundreds of years ago, the Statue of Liberty welcomed immigrants to the United States with the promise of a better life and endless opportunities for those who were willing to work hard. Flash-forward to 2010 and they are now greeted by law enforcement officials and demands to prove that they belong here. Thanks a lot Arizona.

How to Treat a Gentleman***

I was recently talking to a male friend about relationships. Somehow we got into a discussion about books on relationships, and I pointed out that many of the books giving out relationship advice focus on men and how to treat women. I got to wondering, "Where are the books about how to treat men?"

So here it is...v55173w presents...How to Treat a Gentleman

1.) Let him be a gentleman. I consider myself to be a feminist, but I also consider myself to be feminine. I'll leave it up to the men to be masculine. If a man ever shows you in any way that he is a gentleman, let him do it. Don't tell him "I can open the door/pull out my chair/take off my jacket all by myself" when he offers to do these things for you. And when it comes time to pay the check at dinner, don't assume that he's going to pay for it, but if he puts his card down, let him. It's fine to offer to pay your piece or help out with the tip, but if he insists on paying, let him do it 'cause you know that if he lets you pay the first thing you're gonna do is go home and whine to your girlfriends that he's a cheapskate who didn't pay for your plate of rabbit food. And to be honest, I think that when you play the "let me pay" game too much, it hurts his manhood.

2.) Give him a day off from the need to embody effortless perfection-Women have it hard with the images of size -5 women with doctorate degrees from Harvard, perfect birthing hips, millions in her bank account, and the ability to have a freshly made homecooked organic meal on the table each night. Despite these unrealistic, unattainable gender roles, I'm not sure women often pause and think about the unrealistic images that men face. It can't be easy to be 6' plus, have that Ivy League degree, money in the bank, nice muscles, a flashy car, the ability to provide for a perfect family, pick up flowers on the way from home AND help old ladies across the street all at the same time. True gentlemen really are good at heart, but if they slip every now and then, give them a break.

3.) Let him know that he's better than the thugs and meatheads.-I've never been the type to be attracted to the bad boy or anyone from the cast of Jersey Shore (Give me a suit and tie over gelled hair and a leather jacket any day!), so I've never really understand why the nice guys feel the need to be "the bad boy" or to live on the edge in order to get a woman's attention. Then I looked around at some of the most attractive women I know, and they go for the bad boys because they're looking for adventure or they're attracted to the men who take risks. These guys usually end up breaking hearts and the nice guy is the one who picks up the pieces. Ladies, stop going after the bad boys. Stick with the sweetheart that's going to be there for you no matter what, and let him know that he's worth it.

4.) Be grateful and sharing is caring.-Yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before that it's the job of the man to buy the chocolates, champagne and flowers on Valentines Day/anniversaries/birthdays/Christmas/Groundhogs Day. It's chivalry, and it's how men are supposed to prove that they're romantic and not just a bag of bones. But danggit, be grateful! Don't return the heart-shaped box and say "Get me something better." If you have a man that's willing to spoil you with gifts on special occasions, don't tell him to upgrade those gifts if they're not exactly what you wanted. And when you crack open the bottle of bubbly, pour a glass for him, and let him have first pick at the box of chocolates.

5.) Take advice from him and let him win when he's right.-Yes, sometimes he knows better than you do and is right. 'Nuff said.

6.) Give him space to breathe-Together time is great, but you know how you feel when you've been wearing those really cute 4-inch heels that look great and give you confidence but hurt really bad if you wear them for way too long? Don't be those shoes to a gentleman. Sometimes he needs to get away to have a beer and watch the playoffs without you. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore or that he's more dedicated to the can of Bud or the ballgame. It just means he needs some alone time and when he returns to you, it will feel like the first day you did the sign and swipe and made that pretty pair of heels your own.

7.) Occasionally, revert to the old-timer hunter-gatherer roles.-Tarzan=hunter. Jane=gatherer. It's in men's nature to want to hunt and chase. If everything they want is right there, they've got nothing left to do and they get bored. BUT they'll chase if they see something (or someone) they want and they'll find it more rewarding when they get it (or her). It works both ways--when a man is allowed to chase a woman, she knows he's interested because he keeps up with the pursuit. But don't be too coy. The way I put it is that you let a man chase you, but leave breadcrumbs so he knows he's going in the right direction!

8. When you get a good one, don't let him get away.-Can't get any clearer than that.

***Disclaimer-I'm a single lady, so if the above are ineffective, don't blame me. I really don't know what I'm talking about.

Two More Important Words

Why are they so hard to say? And when they are said, why are they followed by conciliatory remarks that are meant to appease the person saying them? (Ex: I'm sorry YOU feel hurt by what I said/did.)

I'm sure it's tied to pride and not wanting to admit wrongdoing, but sometimes I'm Sorry can erase some of the most painful scars.

Two Important Words

The closest thing I will ever have to an ego wall

I've become fond of saying that writing actual letters and putting them in the mailbox is a lost art. Modern technology has advanced speedy forms of communication such as phone calls, text messages, email, tweets and wall posts. While I'm grateful for these ways to keep in touch, I still believe that a tangible handwritten letter or card is the most valuable form of communication.

Some of my most favorite correspondences are Thank You cards. I keep a lot of them, no matter how small or large, simply because they remind me that at some point, someone was grateful for me or for something I did.

I've noticed that when I walk into some people's offices, they display their degrees or other tokens of recognition or accomplishment. These "ego walls" are meant to boost the honoree's self esteem or to prove to those visiting their offices that they're walked into the presence of greatness. While I have proudly displayed my Diploma from the University of Georgia (on my bedroom wall), I can't say it's what boosts my self esteem. What reminds me of my own worth are the letters from kids thanking me for spending time with them, cards thanking me for being a good friend or notes from colleagues thanking me for sacrificing time and sharing energy to advance certain projects. They mean a lot.

It's easy to neglect those two words that are not used enough. You never know what a person is going through at any moment in time, but the words "Thank You," when used sincerely, can never hurt. And it doesn't hurt to also mention what it is that you're thankful for.

Measure in Love

I have been reading John Lewis's memoir, Walking with the Wind, and he describes an incident where young children were marching for equality and were attacked by policemen with water hoses. Months afterwards, the chief of police who was authorized attack was hospitalized. Right outside were those children with signs that read "Get well soon."

While hiding out in her father's office building in Amsterdam during World War II, Anne Frank kept a diary that has become a widely read personal account. One of the lines read "Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart."

I recently spoke with someone who I love and admire very much. She talked about her son and how he would do the right thing even if it meant that he would suffer negative consequences because of it. Her son was once caught for doing something wrong. His friends ran away in order to avoid punishment, but he stayed to help a little brother of one of his friends. The little brother had tripped and fallen, and because he stopped to help he got caught while the others got away. All this at the age of thirteen. This little boy grew up to be someone who would always put others before himself, often sacrificing his own comfort for the sake of people he barely even knew.

How can it be that people face difficult circumstances and still emerge with love in their hearts?

The answer is clear: They have to choose to do so.

Sadly, I look around and see how often people choose to do the opposite. They choose to be vengeful. They choose to be spiteful. They choose to hold grudges. They choose to make assumptions. It's cyclical. When they treat people that way, their targets grant them the same treatment.

Why do we focus on the negative things people do and then hold those things against them? Why do we always think that we've got all the answers and never consider the feelings of others?

I know it's possible because it's been done before but why is it so hard for us to simply Measure in Love?

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.-Romans 12:21