I was cleaning out my room today and came across some pretty interesting things: old pictures, my baby blanket, clothes I regret ever buying and wearing, mementos that I'm sure were supposed to go into a scrapbook. But the most interesting thing that I found was a stack of old journals. I was too embarrassed to read through some of the entries containing hopeless romantic poetry and rants and raves about this crush or that failed friendship that jogged my memory and brought me back to times when I was most vulnerable and naive. But there were a others that just they sent me back into some of my earlier days:
From 07.17.97
My brother, Moe, left for Thailand almost two weeks ago. He'll probably be there for about three years, and I miss him already. I still remember the day at the airport. We left the house early in the morning. It was hard for all of us to let Moe go, especially considering he won't be home for three years.
Thirteen years later, Moe is still in Thailand, happier than ever. I miss him a lot, but I know that he's incredibly happy with his life there, and if he hadn't made that move, Git, Sam and Rae wouldn't be in our lives today.
From 01.12.98
Today I went to the movies with Charlotte to see Titanic. It was really good, and I think that it's one of my favorite movies. I cried a lot. It made me think about love. Now I have a much better perspective on love. I look at it and wonder why some people can look at it and see it as anything less than beautiful.
Ugh...Can I please tell you about how much I hate the movie Titanic now? Aside from the beautiful dresses that Kate Winslet wore, I can't really bare to watch it. And while I still believe that love is a beautiful thing, I can't believe how sappy I was at the ripe age of 16!
From 10.01.00
I decided to download AOL Instant Messenger today, and I do think that it's proven to be a good decision. I spent a couple of hours talking to Cody. He's still the same old Cody-crazy guy.
I don't know what's more shocking--that there was a time when computers weren't preloaded with AIM or that I don't remember why I would have spent hours talking to a guy named Cody.
From 10.09.00
It seems like it's been forever since I've written in my journal, but in reality, it's only been three days. There's so much I have to say. First of all, I had a ball at the Georgia-Tennessee game, my first college football game. We won 21-10, and I'm so sure that seeing the goalposts come down and all those fans on the field is a once in a lifetime experience. It was awesome and I'm sure that I won't forget it.
True. I haven't forgotten that game. I wore jeans and a red sweater. I remember asking my RA what I should wear, and she said "just don't wear orange." I later walked down to Sanford Stadium with a girl from my hall that I barely knew, but it didn't matter because once we got to the stands, it really was like we were all one big Bulldog Nation. After we won, a bunch of the students, myself NOT included, rushed the field. It turned out that a female Asian student was sent to the hospital with some injuries as she made her way to the field, and it made the national news. The following day I got a phone call from my older brother to make sure that it wasn't me.
From 11.18.00
It finally happened. I crossed into Delta Phi Lambda. It was such an awesome ceremony. I've learned so much about patience, tolerance, humility, respect and sisterhood. Delta Phi Lambda is all about letting others know that there's always someone to help them - whether it be in the sorority or in the community.
Man, it's crazy how something can mean the world to you at one moment in time. Regardless of how things turn out in the end, you always treasure those bits of beauty where you feel like you're on top of the world. I still remember that that's how I felt when I finally got my hands on those letters!
From 11.21.00
I went to Westside to visit the yearbook staff with Nicole today. When Charlotte came over last night, we talked about how it was possible to feel uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable in high school. I guess some things never change, huh? This is exactly why I don't intend to go to my ten year reunion.
From 01.01.01
It's a new year. I know that I've changed a lot in the past year. Charlotte says I'm more confident and more sure of myself. I think that I owe that in part to going off to college.
Maybe it really is where I "found myself"
From 12.13.03
In seven days I will close one chapter of my life that has lasted for three and a half years as I graduate from the University of Georgia. In seven days, I will embark on a new journey filled with hope that I am equipped with the tools necessary to fulfill whatever it is that God has in store for me. And I do believe that it is something very exciting that will make me happy. What I'm not so sure about is what I am going to leave behind here. I'll miss my girls a lot. And I definitely feel like I've learned more about myself and life in general this semester. Among these essentials are how to be a true leader, how to stand up for myself, the importance of family, responsibility and honesty. I truly feel like I have made this semester worth every minute, and I have absolutely no regrets about anything I have said or done.
No lie. This entry almost made me cry. I remember sitting at UGA's Herty Field writing this. I really miss North Campus!
From 01.01.04
I have been a UGA Alumna for twelve days now, and I think that it still hasn't fully sunk in. It was a really good ceremony, and the speakers were really good, too. Dr. Eve Trout-Powell was our keynote speaker. I remember having her husband, Dr. Timothy Powell as a teacher, and I was so excited about having his wife speak, especially considering that she recently received the MacArthur Grant, which is also known as "the genius award." What I will take from her speech is how to "increase your peripheral vision" and to not stop growing and learning from my experiences and from others. There are a lot of different sides to things, and It is important to look at all of them while also remaining true to yourself."
I still believe these things. There's a reason why Dr. Eve Trout-Powell got that genius award, and there's a reason why I still identify Dr. Timothy Powell as "that teacher" who inspired me more than any other.
Among these entries were so many others that forced me to reflect back on where I was when I wrote them. It's amazing to see progress and to see how far I've come. But so many of those entries also remind me that I also have a long way to go. I had a habit of listing goals, and upon reviewing them, I've found that some of them no longer apply while some of them just need a little more rejuvenation. I guess that maybe that's why we keep journals--to record meaningful memories and to remind the present self of where the past self expected us to be.
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